What To Do If You Get Bullied By A Gang Of Ten Year Olds

So there I was in my second home, Starbucks across the street from the HQ in Chino Hills, Ca. ordering my usual tall coffee, a trenta cup of ice, and a tall cup of ice...

Ok, so I guess I should probably explain about the order, I swear it makes total sense.

Ya see, I love iced coffee, but, one day I saw them making it.

What they do is pour the steaming hot coffee into a plastic container and then put it int0 the fridge to cool...

The problem with that is there are a ton of studies that show when you pour hot liquid into plastic containers it causes toxic chemicals to leach out...

Sooooo, to like, not die and stuff, I order a hot cup coffee, and a trenta (the extra large cup) of ice.

Then I ever so skilfully like a ninja, pour the hot coffee right over the center of the ice, and by the time it touches the sides, it's cool.

But some of the ice melts, so I take the second cup of ice, and top it off...

See, I swear I'm just being healthy and I don't have OCD, really I swear.

The problem with THIS is that when I go to any other Starbucks then my regular one I have to explain that I'm not being cheap, I could afford to buy a trenta iced coffee, it's just the whole ya know chemical thang.

Anyway, back to the story.

So I'm at the counter and I can hear kids behind me being really loud and rowdy.

I hear this, but, I'm not really thinking about it until I turn around and head to the other counter to pick up my tall cup of coffee and the cups of ice.

One of the ten year old kids (There was 4 of them) say to me, "Hey, get me a hot chocolate."

(I could see the other kids in the background, one was standing on the coffee table, the two were kicking a skate board back and forth)

I kinda looked at him like I was trying to figure out what he was saying, and he said it again, "Get me some hot chocolate..."

So I naturally said, "You want me to get you a hot chocolate?"

He said, "Ya, man, go get me one."

Ya know how sometimes something happens so out of place that it sort of make your brain kinda feel scrambled - Well this was one of those times.

So I said the only logical thing I could think of, "Um, no, that would be illegal."

Ok, I realize that was the lamest thing I could ever say... It pretty much made no sense...

Alright, it completely made no sense...

I was thinking that I wanted to open up a well deserved can of whoop-ass on these little punks, but hitting kids is pretty much illegal in every state.



He went on for what seemed like ten solid minutes.

Ok, now, I'm in a huge no-win situation here...

If I say anything, then I'm the guy, in Starbucks, arguing with a gang of punk ten year olds...

If I touch him, I go to jail...

And pretty much anything I say, the ten year old's comback would be, "DUUUURRRR, OH MY GOD, SO STUUUUPID, DUUUUR DRRRR DRRRR!"

For example, If I said, "Hey, that not cool, chill" the response is, DDDUUUUURRRRRR, THAT'S NOT COOL, OH MY GOOOOD, DRRRR DUUUURRRR DUUUURRRR...."

If I said, Do your parent know you're here?" the response would be, "DDDUUUUURRRRR, DO MY PARENTS KNOW I'M HERE, DUUURRRRR DRRR DRRR! DUR DUR DUUUUUR!"

See what I mean, I went over all possible scenarios and I was screwed.


At least not without breaking the law.

So I came up with two feasible options...

Option 1: Find some tougher ten year olds, buy them some skateboard and bikes and stuff, then bring them back to fight the other ten year olds.

Option 2: Stare at my shoes.

So I took option two, stared at my shoes, and left.

Why am I telling you all this you ask?

Because the whole time I was thinking that I this would make for a pretty funny blog post, so here it is.

Aaaand to say that having a sense of humor, being able to laugh at yourself and not taking yourself too seriously has definitely been a huge success factor for me.

But, just curious to see, what would you do in this situation... (Can't wait to see what you say)

Rock on!


Posted in Uncategorized by Steve Hochman | 22 Comments

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